Impact toys are cool. There is no denying it. As a Whovian, I couldn’t pass up the offer from Geeky Sex Toys. When they said I could review their TardAss Paddle from their Doctor Screw line. I said, fantastic! So let’s not waste any time and get into the details! Allons-y!

TardAss Paddle

The TardAss Paddle is made by Geeky Sex Toys, makers from Australia. The paddle is made out of silicone from handle to light bulb tip. Made to look like the outlines of the iconic blue police box. While it is only 11 inches long and 3 inches wide, you will wonder if it is bigger on the inside. The front is done so there are dimensions to the design. Different lines and grooves for the sides, doors, and roof. The other side is smooth, allowing you two different textures to play with.

The silicone is firm so there is no squish to it. Though it is not firm enough that it is stiff. When holding it by the handle the endways it down so it jiggles like a jelly baby. When you get yours it comes with its own cotton storage bag. It has a blue ribbon, a detail that I adored.

So What Did I think (Spoilers!)

Upon opening my package from Geeky Sex Toys. As I held it in my hand my very first thought was ‘Hello Sweetie‘. The TardAss Paddle is has a lot of heft to it, the weight being all in the paddle. So it is not at all stiff but instead is a bit wibbly-wobbly like a jelly baby. The details are so nice and fine, I found myself tracing my fingers over them. One side being a fine matte texture and the other being glossy is a sensation dream. It also meant that each side was going to hit differently.

So how did I fare? Well, let me tell you, dear reader the TardAss would not let me blink. The matte side is was the surprise sting, no doubt caused by the sharper edges and texture. While it did not leave a police box-shaped imprint. It did leave behind some quick bruising. It also had me howling, I was certain that the could hear me all the way on Raxacoricofallapatorius [ ¹ While the plain side left more thuddy feel behind. Only leaving mostly redness and minimal brushing after use. Though my companions said they could certainly see marks on both sides left.

Also, I love that because this is made out of silicone the whole way through. It is easy to sanitize and clean between partners. The TardAss is a paddle that for me can do double duty. Which makes it an excellent addition to my kink collection.

Overall Thoughts

With the TardAss paddle, I had a lot of Mmm I wonder…Aha! moments with it! This toy is fun and versatile! A kinky Whovians and geeks can both enjoy a thuddy and stingy toy. Geeky Sexy Toys have created a winner here that goes so well as part of their Doctor Screw series. I will be eager to see if they make anything else in this line.

The TardAss paddle is carried by Geeky Sex Toys for $50 dollars USD. Or it comes as part of The Who Package for $199 with the Dildek dildo and the Sonic Vibrator. You can get with 5% off using the code GEEKWITCH at checkout!

Thank you Geeky Sex Toys for sending me the TardAss paddle in exchange for this review!

1. First mentioned in “World War Three“,^[310] is the home planet of the Raxacoricofallapatorians,^[191] The difficulty characters have in pronouncing its name is a recurring joke in the show.