With May being National Masturbation Month, of course, that is what many a sex bloggers mind is on. Mine is no different. Though I found myself thinking less about the act itself, not about how I do it. Instead, I found myself focusing on my new found freedom when it came to masturbation. A sort of liberation I am currently going through sexually when it comes to self-pleasure.

To move forward we have to look back

For as long as I remember there was one rule when it came to my masturbation. It had to be when no one was around. No one in the room, no one in the house. Lock the pets out of the room. It also helped to make sure I knew I had more time than was reasonable for what I did. No one could know what I was doing. I didn’t start using toys until right before my move to Texas. But I always saved it.

Later on, a partner and I tried a few times just getting off next to one another. Though I never found myself able to be comfortable.  I was always too concerned with them hearing how I sounded. This was a frustration to them because I was also working on cam at the time. It was hard to explain to them how it just felt different but I couldn’t explain yet why. At this point, I know that I didn’t have to see the faces of the people watching me. It was just like being alone for me. But it was also more.

How Cam Work Helped

Working on camera was always fun, it never seemed like a job when I was enjoying myself. The anonymity of the internet allowing me to be myself. It gave me the ability to relax. That relaxation gave me more time to enjoy what I was doing. I didn’t have to try to orgasm as quickly as I could or worry about the sounds I made. When I felt freer even my off cam masturbation became different. I was actually finding pleasure and not just, getting off as quickly as I could. I would enjoy myself and see what worked for my body.

When I moved around again, it became harder to cam and I found myself reverting back to old ways. There was also a validation that my sexuality was a good thing. It was a way for me feel comfortable to express myself. Now living with sex-positive people in my life, I know this.

Masturbation Motivation and Musings

It was when my girlfriend paid me a compliment on my sex hair after a particularly good masturbation session. I knew things had changed. I grinned and thanked her because it had been a good one. I wasn’t ashamed of it, I knew likely some of the house hear me. Everyone knows and is comfortable with what I do for my blog. They know sex toys are not going to test themselves.

I am not always loud, but I know that I can be. I know that I can do it when the mood strikes me. There have been many times when I just waltz off. After a quick orgasm or two, I am back to hanging out. I don’t do a walk of shame trying to hide how many sex toys I have to clean in the bathroom. My sexuality suddenly becoming my own and for my own pleasure again.

Self-pleasure and Beyond

Though the discovery of taking back my own personal pleasure. I have started to slowly open up to my partners more in a sexual way. Small flirting, double entendre puns, and even the emergence of saucy selfies sent. It has been noticed by more than one of them. My confidence in myself and my body has risen. All of this because found my freedom.

It has also become a way that I connect with things in my craft. My time with myself becoming mindful meditation wherein could take the time to check in with myself. My orgasms as offerings to the deities I feel closely tied to. My altar is my bedside table and it is a thing that feels right.