Polyam Journey: Our House

Polyam Journey: Our House

When I tell people that I live in a house with seven other people, their eyes normally get wide.

“Seven? How do you make it work?” They ask.¬†Even growing up there were six people between my parents, brother, and cousins who came to live with us. This is a chaos that I am no stranger to, and have found I actually thrive in. I remember when I would live with just one other person it was actually harder, not just on me. The way our schedules and relationships work, we all have those we lean on at different times. There is also just so many different bonds between the eight of us.

Who Are We?

To understand the house, there has to be a little break-down of who we are. Out of the 8 of us, we all fall into different places.

  • All of us identify as non-neurotypical
  • 2 are non-binary/transgender
  • 6 identify as some definition of Queer
  • All of us fall into the definition of spoonie/chronic illness
  • 6 are in D/s Dynamics
  • 2 of the couples in the house are legally married
  • 2 have part-time jobs
  • 2 have full-time jobs
  • 2 are freelancers
  • 2 are going to school
  • We have 5 cats and 1 dog
  • All of us identify as non-monogamous/polyamorous

So How Do We Make It Work?

Magic. That is the simple answer because often times it does feel like that. The actual answer is a lot of carefully organized chaos. There are a few things that really keep the house moving.

Calendar/Car Board

Calendars are just a thing with non-monogamous people, for us the calendar and cardboard keep us moving. We know who has work, appointments, errands, and outings. We make sure all the information is in one place. Each night we put the schedule for the next day in our chat made just for that. So everyone knows who is driving and who needs to get where when.


In our house, we use text and chats to communicate a lot of things. Not only between the house. But also our friends and extended Polyam galaxy. We have a lot of important chats. They help us take care of making sure everything is running smoothly.

  • Essential Chat: Important messages go here. Garbage needing to go out. When folk are arriving home with groceries. Emergencies.
  • Car Chat: Work Schedules, Appointments, Daily Cardboard pictures
  • Dinner: Weekly Menu, who is cooking, when dinner is ready
  • House: Who has done what cleaning/chores. Things that they couldn’t get to.
  • Laundry: When the washer/dryer are in use.

There are so many more than that, such as the female-bodied individuals having their own chat to talk in. Or partner chats between various polycules. All of it makes for better communication not only between one another but with our people. Even recently we have joined up in a discord chat with another Polyam group like our own to talk with. So yes even more chats!


This is the one I get asked about a lot. We at this point all pool our money together. We speak openly and honestly about money. Everyone drops in balance checks and paydays. Making sure that with everything that is coming in bills, mortgage, and groceries are paid for. This is often covered by what our jobs bring in. Folk who have other funds have in place that those things stay separated. Using myself as an example, any funds I make from my blog stay with me. This is due to the fact that those funds, tend to go right back into my blog in some way. Often we discuss this all during our monthly meeting.


Once a month, we try to have a house meeting. We take the time to address any issues that might have popped up. Things coming up in our lives that we need folk to be aware of. How we might be doing mentally. We talk about things we need to make sure get done. One of us taking meeting notes that get sent to a Google Group we are part of. These meetings allow us to address things in a much more formal setting outside of chats. We make sure it is all done constructively. Even when there is an issue we talk it out and try to figure out how to make things better. We have the meetings to make sure things flow better.

Home Sweet Home

This, of course, is just how we keep things on a larger scale moving. There are a lot of other smaller things that I am working on covering. Such as how we navigate social spaces, sleeping, and other things. If you have any questions, feel free to comment below, and I will do my best to answer them!

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