DIY sex toys can be a tricky subject. I there have been times that I have looked up how to make homemade sex toys. Often we find a lot of lists that tell you oh just use ‘x object’ or ‘y fruit’. Then there are the many DIY sex toy crafts that you need very specific items for.

Let me tell you when they give you those specific items you should really stick to what they are suggesting you use. It will end up turning your homemade sex to in a nightmare. Rather than the pleasure you want it to be.

DIY but only with Instructions

When I was but a young girl just fresh out of my parent’s house and traveling the world on my own, I barely had enough cash to get myself from work every day. Let alone any sort of sex toy that I didn’t already own. So on a lonely weekend, I started to search for homemade sex toy links. I already knew using any sort of candy or food was out of the question and the suggestions for everyday items was right out.

Then I found one, suggesting to use something like large dried beans in a condom. For a DIY sex toy, it was pretty simple. I knew that I had to have something in my pantry that would work because I knew I had condoms. The food itself would be covered. It seemed perfect.

I was, however, lacking dried beans of any sort. About to give up on my DIY sex toy adventure, I found brown rice and thought.

‘This should work, one dried food is like any other!’.

[Narrator Voice] “She was wrong, one dried food is not like any other.”

I gathered up a funnel and set to the arduous task of getting these tiny soon to be grains of doom into a lubricated condom this is where I should have just stopped in the first place. I was stubborn in my twenties. But eventually, I got most of it into the condom that I thought I would need, tied off the end and then proceeded to wash it off in the sink.

Taking it into the bedroom with me, I settled in for what I was hoping would be a good experience. The rice, however, didn’t hold as firm as I needed so I slowly found myself twisting it in the bottom. Slowly stressing the now unlubricated condom at the bottom trying to make the rice pack itself more and more into the tip of the condom.

When it finally seemed like it was firm enough it was perfect, for all of five seconds right before all of the things I was doing stressed condom one bit too far against the rough rice and it tore the condom open.

Inside of me.

There was rice everywhere, there was rice on everything as I tried to somehow scramble away from what was coming out of me and only making even more of a mess. I managed to clean it up and then no one ever heard about what happened. Not even my boyfriend at the time when he asked why there was rice on the floor later.

DIY and homemade sex toys are never ones I am going to discourage people from giving a shot. We all have to start somewhere when it comes to our sex toy adventures. I will stress, don’t let it end up like me. Take your time and follow the instructions, find what works for you best and maybe stay away from anything that tells you that rice is a good idea (but that just might be my own personal bias at this point.)

Have you had any DIY sex toy or homemade sex toy fails? Share in the comments if you would like!

(This post was sponsored by Dodil All writing and opinions are my own)