CW: Transphobia, Mentions of Deadnaming
All tweets shown here have been approved by their author. Save for Kinkly who likely wouldn’t respond as you will read why below.
In the last few weeks, I went from being excited for being named one of not only Kinkly’s 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes but also one of the top LGBTQIA+ bloggers as well. Kinkly has in the past claimed that the list was an inclusive space for sex-positivity.
But then it came out that there were a number of transphobic bloggers who had been named on their list. The blogging community banded together and spoke out about this. Siting even other bloggers reporting on why these particular bloggers are transphobic. Which I have listed below so that if you where not aware you can
After a week or so of silence on Kinkly’s part, there was finally a thread posted on their Twitter. It was a non-apology stating that they were not going to be removing the bloggers.
Continuing to state that they separate the bloggers’ views from their blog. And that it would take them too much work to look at what a blogger does on their social media. But the real kicker to this whole thing was this quote.
“We want the Superheroes list & our Directory to be a safe & inclusive space, and we remove bloggers whose content is hateful or fails to support all forms of consensual sexual & self-expression. We don’t feel we can fairly & feasibly evaluate people’s behavior beyond that.”
Before stating that they knew some people would be angry with their response. And eagerly directed them to email them if people wanted to continue to contribute to the conversation. Something we will go back to in a moment.
First, I want to touch on their words about being a safe and inclusive space. By not listening to the community who spoke up. Kinkly swiftly stuck their foot in their mouths by making themselves unsafe for Transgender bloggers and likely many other Queer bloggers as well. That even though they were shown evidence by multiple sources, that the hateful actions done by these bloggers were fine. So long as it wasn’t directly on their blog.
Blogs are the voice of the blogger. We put our words out there all the time. Be it on the blog itself or on our social media. These two things should not be different. Everything ties back together and someone who shows themselves to be transphobic is flat out that. Transphobic. There is no moral grey area. It is black and white.
Though what makes this worse, and yes it is pertaining to the before the point of the emails. Kinkly started just removing bloggers who emailed them from the directory instead of actually having a conversation with them.
Which is not new in the Kinkly world, when Chronic Sex left their directory due to Kinkly being sponsored by Lelo who is also known for bad practices. But they also went a step further and unfollowed many of the bloggers that spoke out against them as well. It was a clear show that while they said they would have a conversation, that was actually a lie. They simply pruned away the people who disagreed which also happened to be many of the voices they just tried to lift up.
I also bring to light, Kinkly continuing to dead name, Ren Grabert, M.Ed. on articles they wrote for Kinkly. Not responding to requests made in 2017 to change their name. So it is not the first, second, or even third time that Kinkly chooses to respond with silence.
Through their non-apology, non-action, and non-response, Kinkly has shown itself pretty damn hard this time. They could have actually shown that they want to be a safe and inclusive space by doing the exact opposite of their action. They could have stood with the bloggers who brought the evidence to them. And by that, show that they are an actual ally. But instead, they decided to take the side of bigots and continue to show that they don’t care for the community that they use to boost their own site traffic.
I know that I cannot make people leave their directory, but I urge it. Especially to the cis folks in the sex blogger community. If there was ever a moment to show that you are an ally, it is this. This isn’t about numbers, this is about people. This is about keeping our community a safe and inclusive space for all of us. Because I promise, the trans sex blogging community is looking to you and seeing what you do at this moment. Just like the moment that brought us here.
We don’t need their list, we don’t need their awards. They are just lip service and trying to hide the way they really feel about the community they act like they are part of.
Superheroes aren’t transphobic. Superheroes stand for what is right, and what Kinkly has done is just the actions of a villain. And I write this so that everyone can see their actions for what they are.
Below are other bloggers who have written about this, and I will continue to update this list.
Why Kinkly Sucks 2020 by Queer Earthling
Dear Kinkly, I’m Out [An Open Letter] by Coffee & Kink
Goodbye, Kinkly by Forbidden Writings