Almost two years ago, I was interviewed by Poly Role Models after getting to meet Kevin Patterson at my first Woodhull. Having been a follower of these interviews with others in the Polyamory community, I was honored to be on the list. It was through this interview, that I found my superpower when it comes to polyamorous relationships.
One of the questions that gave me pause to think, was ‘What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?‘. My personal answer is that I was always learning. However, I took the moment to ask my partners what they considered a trait that I excel in. Knowing that they would see other things in me that I might miss. And it was my girlfriend who answered, consideration, which for the last two years I have been studying in myself.
And honestly, at this point I feel like it is my super power.
What Is Consideration in Nonmonogamy?
To start, consideration is careful thought, typically over a period of time. This is the standard definition as we know it. Which sounds rather straight forward. Though in my personal life, it is much more than that. It is, taking a moment to grab a plate when I am headed to the kitchen. Asking a partner when I see their water bottle is low if they need me to get a refill while I do the same for mine. Gently reminding someone about a task or checking in to make sure they have time for an activity due to scheduling.
Consideration is careful thought about what is going on around me and how to make the daily life of our house a little easier. Though those are not the only uses. It is something I do every day even if it is just small details that others might not see. Or things that I do to just make my people happy.
With great power, comes great responsibility.Uncle Ben (Spider-Man)/Amazing Fantasy #15
It should be known, that my superpower can also be a super weakness of mine as well. If I use it too much, I fall into old people-pleasing habits brought on by my anxiety. Worried that if I don’t do enough that people will be upset with me. Or that I am going to be considered a burden by the other people in my life. So I still have to use it carefully or I can experience a sort of burn out. Allow me to remember that I don’t have to do it all and that I don’t have to be everything all at once.
It is also learning to be considerate to myself. Knowing when I need to step back. When I have to take time for myself outside of my relationships.
Finding Your Superpower
Anyone who practices nonmongomy, has a super power I like to think. Some of them manifest quickly and others manifest over time. You might realize it right away or have to do some soul searching like I did. But here are a few tricks to finding it!
- Ask your partners! They can have valuable insight into things you might have missed about yourself.
- Past Relationships! Looking at what ways in your past relationship you handled certain aspects can shed light on what you are doing now.
- Journal! Getting things down helps you take a closer look at your day-to-day actions.
- Expand your knowledge! There are so many great books out there on Polyamory and Nomongomy. Bloggers who write about it daily. You may find that yours is the same as others you know!
- Find you Love Language! It can be a way to look at how you express love in relationships and figure what your power may be from there. Below are some links to some other posts written
These are just some of the ways, play with them, and see what works for you! Also, don’t stress if you don’t find it quickly or you need to take time figuring out how your powers might work. Every superhero has an origin story and has to take some time working out the kinks.
If you are non-monogamous, what is your superpower? I would love to hear about others and where they excel in their relationships in the comments. And maybe you will help someone else find their superpower at the same time!