Right now, I have quite a few toys in my backlog. I have drafts that are half done. Notes that are scribbled down. Testing that has been done. But right now it is hard to focus. Pandemic, protests, and politics. There are a lot of stressors at this time in the world. And that doesn’t even count any personal stressors either. All of it takes a toll on mental health. Which means my sex drive, pretty much at rock bottom. When I can have a burst of actual need for pleasure. I go all out, getting as much as I can do. But like a rollercoaster, it can take a dip at any time.
But even with the ups and downs in my sex drive. My mental health has been improving. Which trust me does feel odd to say when the world is on fire. But right before the pandemic really hit, I had just started putting a lot of these in place. So it thankfully gave me small routines use.
Therapy and Mental Health
Since I finally have insurance, I have been bouncing around trying to find a good therapist. Someone who would be friendly to LGBTQA+ issues, kink-friendly, and nonmonogamy friendly. Which you can imagine can be a tall order. I went through a number of them and none was quite the right fit. Until I took a chance to reach out to an organization just for that. But with my city still having limited places for LGBTQA+ mental health. I got stuck on a waiting list just for intake. Right as my job shut down, I was given my first appointment. And now, I am past my first 90 days.
I’ve used this time, to unpack some heavy things. From past relationships, abuse, and other trauma. A lot of things I had not realized I had been holding on to so tightly. Each session not only gives me a lot to think about. But it has lifted even a small weight off my shoulders. One of the great things about her is she gives me little self-care tasks. From having a snack I really want or reminding me to listen to a favorite song.
With therapy, also came seeing the psychiatrist there as well. Which came with starting to take medication for my anxiety and depression. This is one of the reasons for the dip in my sex drive. As I am kind of having to relearn my body and what I want. Especially given that it now takes me a little longer to get off. So testing has taken a little longer to really get done. One thing I do affirm to myself often is that my orgasm is not the end all be all of pleasure. Even just spending time enjoying how a toy feels inside me or the sensation of clitoral stimulation is good. I still experience the rush of serotonin that it brings which is always wonderful.
Developing a Skin Routine
With the rapid change in my life, I was finding places I could add any routine to my life. Which for me actually went to skincare. For the last few months, I have been using mostly products from Get the Butters. Also going through our drawer of masks from various beauty bag subscriptions. Which has been great for decluttering.
After finding how well their Rose Water and Witch Hazel toner works for me. I just replaced the whole thing with products from there. However, routines get broken. Especially when my spoons are low from any number of things. So I came up with backup routines depending on my energy level in the day.
- Normal days: wash, toner, mask, moisturizer, and eye cream (night).
- Low Spoon Days: toner, spot treatment, eye cream (night).
- Very Low Spoons Day: Toner
This has allowed me to not only make sure I am taking care of my face every day. It also has helped keep it clearer than it might be as I tend to break out during stress-filled times. Helping me to feel just a little better even if I am not going out at all these days.
Recently I have delved back into divination, from tarot to starting creating a rune set for myself. Starting my mornings many days with my own musical divination. While I have kept my tarot readings to new moons, full moons, holidays, and big astrological events like planets going retrograde. This tends to give me places to really focus on particular themes. Be it what the celebration is, the sign the moon is in, or what the retrograde influences. In the case of the full moon I can also tie it into my energy work I tend to do on that day.
These things allow me to sit with feelings that I might be having. Or even things I might be missing because I am not quite paying attention. I use it as a time to journal and get out thoughts that might be weighing me down. Also when I cannot think of prompts, I turn to an Instagram Account by the name of Intarotspection that is run by AceOfTarot that sources a ton of different spreads for various seasonal occasions. I tend to go with what my gut tells me to follow or what I have the energy for. Journaling them so I can go back and reference things that might come up in later spreads. Or so I can expand upon it later in my writing journal. Especially when the readings link up with things I discuss mental health-wise in therapy.
Doing My Best
My last few months have been a journey through the new landscape that is my mental health. I am hoping that it picks up from here not only with how my day to day goes. But I do hope that things even out so my sex drive finds its ‘new normal’.
I hope that you reading this are finding ways to navigate your life, in whatever ways you might need to at this time. I just wanted to end this saying that I love you all. Even if I don’t know you, I just feel that I need to share that. You are loved.