Words have power, something I have written about before. Taking them back and making them your own. Though sometimes there are whole phrases that take over your mind. I have recently been taking time to disavow them and make your own affirmation instead. Learning to fall in love with the things used against you.
“You look like ten pounds of potatoes in a five-pound sack.”
Those words ring in my ears with every piece of clothing I try on. Every outfit I look at online. From shirts to even bras, I overthink each article of clothing. Those twelve words taught me that my body was something that was shameful. That should be hidden in blocky cuts and oversized layers. That the idea of wearing anything that hugged my body or showed off my skin was distasteful. Only backed up at the time from popular media. Being dragged to Weight Watchers meetings as young as 12 years old. Words have a lot of meaning for me. They often get stuck in my mind and I have been learning to turn them on their head.
Words that still weigh heavy in my mind. Keeping the relationship I have with my body a strained one. There are still parts of me afraid to show it. Yet when I look at pictures of myself, when I am experiencing actual joy. My body is a thing of beauty, that just for a moment. That the curves of my body are meant to be worshiped and adored, not just by others. Though most of all by me. That learning to be positive in my own body is tied so much to my spirituality.
“They made statues of deity that match your body. Never forget that.”
More words that I hear every day. Often the first words when I wake up in the morning. Some days I can feel it. And others I don’t. But I never forget them. From the fullness of my chest to the roundness of my hips and stomach. I am full of boundless energy that only I can control. I contain multitudes in me. Bursting with life much like the aforementioned potato sack. That the clothes that I choose to wear, tight or loose, are adornments in my worship. My tattoos and body modifications are tools that I carry with me, like an on the go altar. That my self-care is just how I show gratitude to myself.
Even on days when my headspace wasn’t the greatest. The words still came to me, sometimes to fight it. Other times just as a silent hug wrapped around my body. I often thought of having them put someplace so I could see them. Affirmations to help me remember what I know but sometimes let the world drown out. I spend time in my room, taking selfies that may never see the light of day. I look them over as if I am someone else. Finding the things that stand out about them. The person who smiles shyly from behind their hand. The tousled sleep hair. The curve of their hip or shoulder. I fall in love with them more and more every day.
“I am all the love that I need. And that is magical all on its own.”
“Concepts like self-acceptance and body neutrality are not without value. When you have spent your entire life at war with your body, these models offer a truce. But you can have more than a cease-fire. You can have radical self-love because you are already radical self-love.”― Sonya Renee Taylor, The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love
My self-love is not only radical but it is spiritual as it grows every day. It is my way of reminding myself that my magic comes from within me. That the way I can manifest what I need all starts with me putting my energies into the world. But that most of all, my body is a part of that magic and it is the place I keep it all. And I will honor that place by loving it every day. Even more on the days when it is hard. But I do as I can and weave my personal magic.
Do you have a favorite affermation? Are there any self-love rituals that you perform? What phrases have you worked to unlearn? Share in the comments below!