CW: physical abuse, bruises, pictures of bruises
“Bruised is a good look on you,” Sir says after giving me some amazing back scritches after a long afternoon of video making. My chest bruised the cause of them being a crop that I used while shooting a video. They are dying down and still a brilliant red. Though I had sent him a picture right after so he had seen them in their fresh stages. Blushing I comment how I do, and then go back to my search for pickles. A soft smile on my face as I realize how relaxed I feel.
Later looking in the mirror, tracing my fingers over the speckled red that will be purple by morning. I think about the last time my chest had been bruised. So much time has passed that often I don’t get a lot of flashbacks to my physical abuse. This time, however, it makes me for a moment think about how my chest was the first target. And I suddenly feel proud that I caused these.
Thinking about how each strike was by my hand. Some of it stronger in certain places where I found what felt good. Lighter in others. How I could remember smiling around my gag. Pushing myself to do just one more round taking almost 30 strikes in a row. The proud feeling grew as did one of being turned on by myself.
Kink and Healing
It reminds me of how kink is not just something I do with a partner. But part of something that I do with myself. When I am in the zone but I know I need that rush as I pinch myself hard. Edging myself when I know I need to take the time during my masturbation. Pushing myself to orgasm just one more time because I need to overload. Each action, taking it back from places that sometimes still hurt. Reminding myself that my past doesn’t define what I find pleasurable. That liking to be bruised does not make my past abuse right.
Each action is another step on my path of healing. Another stepping stone towards being able to really dive back into the world of kink. Accepting and enjoying the things I love in bed.