I sit next to Sir while we are hanging out with others in the same room. He on his phone and I on my laptop. A message pops up from him in WhatsApp from him. Sometimes it is something sweet or something super hot. Then there are the times it is something that causes me pain. His small casual sadism making me pout, while he gives me a bright grin.
It is something that has been a part of our relationship since our start as friends. Though it didn’t have that description til far later. There are many ways it is displayed in our everyday life. But because I had never seen it written about before, I thought maybe I should put it out there.
How Casual Sadism Works
As the words, casual implies it is something that is just that. Casual. It can take many forms. Mental and physical both.
- Placing a cold can against the neck
- Ruffling of hair in otherwise odd directions
- Soft pinches in particularly ticklish spots
- Feelings tied to certain things (movies, books, music, etc)
- Risqué picture sent while in a public space
- Bringing up a sense feel that makes you feel the shivers/uncomfortable
Thanks to the internet it is also something that can happen at any time. It allows for it to be just between us. Without non-consensually involving others in what happens. It is also super customizable. One thing that might make one person squirm, might be different for another.
Consensual Casual Sadism
While there are times when it can be a surprise, often he checks in first. He will find something and ask if I want to see it. It always holds a teasing sort of tone. He will often give a small explanation of what it is going to show me. It gives me the option to say yes or no. To weigh if I have the ability to handle it at that moment. There have been times when I have had just too much and do say I cannot handle it. He will, of course, drop it there. Moving on to something that might make me feel better.
But it’s not real sadism
Now I understand that it may not fit everyone’s idea of sadism. That it sounds more like bullying or even just being a jerk. It is one of the things I feel gets lost in the context of kink. Forgotten sometimes in the haze of contracts and protocol. Not all kinky relationships need to work in a strict format. What it really comes down to is what works for the relationship you have. It is just another section of the broad spectrum that is BDSM/Kink. It would be like saying that sex was only penetration which we know is not true in the least.
Though if I were to give it a categorization. I think that it would fall under Mindplay or perhaps Torture just very light.
How it feels as a Masochist
There are many things that the casual sadism that happens between Sir and me, make me feel. These are things aside from feelings and general discomfort. I think the thing it makes me feel the most is loved. The ways it happens, are personal and unique. I know that when he sends me something, it is because it did make him think of me. I also know the reaction makes him smile. Because he was right in knowing it was going to get that reaction. It causes just a hint of excitation fracture when he teases.